I wrote a typically whingey post a while back that bemoaned the general existence of advertising, and the free-wheeling whoring of their identities that celebrity peoples partake in. I have a particular ire for these toads as they are duping their fans, selling the faith held in the celebrity’s achievements and the things they’ve convinced the world they stand for.


I recently noticed, sickening me further into my core, Dustin Hoffman advertising Sky’s newly expanded television offering. As if Dustin Hoffman really loves Sky, and genuinely equates it to the ethereal experieince of hearing stories at your father’s knee, as he purports to do in the tawdry ad spot. As if he really gets emotional about the very idea of a few extra channels from Murdoch and his horrendous conglomerate of filthy, poorly made television. A few years back Anthony Hopkins did the same tpe of ad for Sky, consequently making me think he’s a shyster ever since. We’ve all seen George Clooney advertising Necafé’s ‘Nespresso’ coffee haven’t we? Where he claims that it’s literally the best coffee in the world? This from a multi-millionaire who lives in Italy. I bet his Italian neighbours think he’s a right cock. Oh, and John Malkovich was in the last ad he did too. Shame John, shame.


For these mega-bucks stars, the fees they get for this stuff probably pays their tax bills for the year, sorts out that swimming pool they wanted in their third home, etc etc. They must get some serious cash for a couple of day’s work. Lily Allen once said that she missed an awards show because she was doing an advert in France for a mobile phone company. She said it was a rubbish excuse, and rubbish thing to be doing but, she continued, it paid off her mortgage. Can you blame her? Not quite sure I can, but she can’t call herself a genuine artist anymore.

Years ago advertising was really localised, and loads of big Hollywood stars including Harrison Ford, Schwarzenegger and Tom Cruise did ads that would only be shown in Japan, thus protecting their integrity in the US. Now, the globalisation of media has destroyed all boundaries, so the ad agencies have stepped up a gear and come up with concepts that the stars feel don’t denegrate their personae. Although, Clooney does look a total bell-end in those Nespresso ads still.

The whoring of celebs in ads, Uma Thurman for Alfa Romeo, Reece Witherspoon for Avon, Eminem for Chrysler, Dr Dre for Hewlett Packard, Josh Brolin for Mercedes, Bill Bailey for Weedol, the list goes on, and is both boring and uninspiring. Hopefully ad agencies will realise that the over-population of celeb images means that product endorsement by people that we can see a million images of every day anyway won’t mean anything anymore.


What really gets my goat these days though, you’ll be on tenterhooks to hear, is regular people in adverts. Oh, and aren’t there a lot of these to poke fun at.

To be continued…

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